I was, like so many here, accused of being ''aggressive", ''controlling", "abusive", a "kidnapping threat".
I was evicted from the home by the police, quite literally according to the police report "because the mother doesn't want him there".
It was a few days before valentine's day 2013 and our child was 3 weeks old. Apparently, when you're told "you are just a sperm donor, you'll never see your child again" and you respond that you will fight in court, that gets you labeled as an abuser and a flight risk, based on one side's account of the conversation.
On valentines day, 4 days after the eviction, I receive an email demanding $3000 per month in spousal support and child support. I refused to agree to this and replied back that we would come to an agreement on things but that I would not agree to demands without legal counsel. A couple of days later, she filed a restraining order, emergency full custody, and spousal support, Ex Parte. All was granted. No trial. No effort to contact me. No ability to rebut or provide evidence in my defense.
No due process. Ain't that a common theme here?
It took me a year to be heard. During this time, I missed our child's first smile, laugh, first steps, first words. Things that money can't replace. False allegations and one-sided court actions that put the word of one gender as being more reliable than the word of another cause devastation that can't fully be expressed in words.
At trial, the restraining order was repealed based on witness testimony and sworn affidavit I filed. Visitation was established, though only under the supervision of the one who made false statements to the court in the first place. It was dangerous for me to be in her house alone with her and whomever she chose to be there. One false statement from her that I said something, with her describing it as ''aggressive", and I would be back to square one, waiting on a court date to once again disprove accusations that have no substantiation. I truly believe that the only thing that prevented her from doing so during this time was that I led her to believe that I may have a recording device on me at any given time.
Eventually, I was able to get the supervised visits away from her home, away from her. There never should have been supervision by her with he said/she said allegations of abuse that were in dispute. It's a conflict of interest, a recipe for disaster, and certainly not in the best interest of a child.
As we near year 5 of the ordeal, there have been multiple 3rd parties involved in the case. All have reported favorably toward the father/child relationship, and that the mother's objections and roadblocks are unwarranted.
Here's one of things I've learned: The contradictions in an abuse story do not seem apparent to 3rd parties--social workers, psychologists, judges. Here's how I made it apparent...
Me: "Have you ever worked with abused women?"
Psychologist: "I have"
Me: "In your experience, does a woman who is afraid..so afraid for her and her child's safety that she begs law enforcement for protection...demand large sums of money FIRST and then file a restraining order and full emergency custody?"
Psychologist: [deer in the headlights gaze]
It's not immediate. Justice does not usually come right away for us fathers. For so many of us, it takes YEARS.
Stay the course. Do what you have to to be there with your child. Establish the relationship and bond, even if it's under the worst degrading circumstances. Love your child and be the best dad that you can possibly be in a room with cameras and microphones watching you, with that supervisor standing over you with a clipboard taking notes.
In my case, it was ultimately those with the clipboard reporting to the court that I was a father doing everything I can to be a father while the mother is the one standing in the way.
No, this is not one of those stories where I can report that I have 50/50 or full custody due to the behavior of the mother. It has taken me 4 years to get this far. I have yet to have my first unsupervised visit. But I am now awaiting a court report with all of the accounts of all of the 3rd parties who have observed all of my visits. My ex wife's word is now completely worthless to the court. She is facing stiff fines now for interference.
The daddy/son story is about to begin. It's because I didn't give up in the face of overwhelming odds. You can do it too. You too can stand up against false allegations, fraudulent restraining orders.
Be a nuisance to the system that wants you to shut up and know your place.
Talk back.
Be a dad, no matter the odds. It will be worth it in the end. I'm nothing special, so If I can do it you can too.
Get involved in this movement and you will find the strength. We are going to change this for our children so that they don't face what we did.
Anonymous - The Father's Rights Movement - Facebook
